I’m looking at this list of federal holidays, and you know what I’m thinking? I’m thinking fuck Columbus Day. Who the hell cares about Columbus Day except for mattress stores?
Instead, let’s scratch Columbus Day and make Election Day a national holiday. Turnout on Election Day was only 36.6 percent in 2014, according to Senator Bernie Sanders from Vermont. If we made Election Day a holiday, it would be easier for people to vote. People would actually start to look forward to Election Day, too. By the way, you know you else would like to make Election Day a holiday? Senator Bernie Sanders. I like that guy.
If push comes to shove, I’d be willing to keep Columbus Day as a holiday and just add a new holiday. But really, do you remember what you did on Columbus Day a month ago? No? Me neither.
I’m thinking we can make Election Day a pretty fun holiday. Vote in the morning, BBQ in the afternoon, and drink or set off fireworks in the evening. That’s a holiday that a lot of people could get behind.