SEO Mistakes: spam email guarantees

Does anyone believe an email like this? Someone I know got this email recently:

From: Google Info []
Sent: Wednesday, November 23, 2005 6:19 PM
Subject: News – You’ve just been Googled

All search engines cracked.

We can send your web site to the top of Google legitimately before Christmas and keep it there.

Yes I mean the top.

Give me up to 20 keywords and the URL of your site and we will switch Google on and another 40 top engines to deliver immeasurable keyword targeted surfers to your web site to join and buy from you.

This works for replica sites, affid, php and asp and also joining and opt>in pages belonging to programs.

For each of your 20 keywords your site is guaranteed to appear at the top of Google.

Oh, okay. Let’s see. I’ll take the top keywords in porn, pills, and casinos (also known as the other acronym for “P.P.C.”). Also, how about Google, viagra, krankenversicherung, britney spears, matt cutts (no wait, I’m doing okay for that one), search engine optimization, and maybe just for fun, how about making me #1 for the phrase: “you would have to be on crack to believe all guarantees in spam emails about SEO.”

35 Responses to SEO Mistakes: spam email guarantees (Leave a comment)

  1. Jacob

    I got telemarketed with this pitch, offered next day top organic results.. After drilling the sales rep and telling him it was imposible. it turned out to be they have a large network of members running a software program that alters the organic results on there computer only. To his diapointment I declined.

  2. Yes I believe in this πŸ˜€

    The email says ” we will switch Google on and another 40 top engines to deliver immeasurable keyword targeted”

    So they will install spyware on their machine and show their sites on top in google lol (I think there was some spyware earlier which used to do show fake results)


  3. Matt

    Deep, I was surprised that they had a power switch to “switch Google on”. πŸ™‚

  4. hehe I got the point actually, I raised spyware issue just to let people know that there are ways by which these frauds can really show the site on the top. (ofcourse on the machine on which spyware is installed)

    Many people who are not aware about these kind of things might fall into the trap..may be google can have some kind of black list on the site to make poeple aware about it…


  5. VJ

    You don’t necessarily have to be on crack Matt. One just needs to be new to the net, with a Yahoo! store or, a Monster Commerce atrocity, and not have any money to spend to get traffic to your site. Then someone comes along offering to get you top rakings for pretty cheap (let’s say $299.00); some will bite.
    A lot of people know very little about SEO; I have answered many disgruntled callers who thought that a submission service is supposed to get them rankings.
    So really, it’s a lack of education about the topic. I don’t blame people for falling for it. There are a lot of older Internet users, who try to start a business online, after they retire, and end up losing money to scams like this. It’s unfortunate.

  6. Deep, they do… they support Firefox πŸ˜›

  7. VJ

    Oh I totally forgot! I can’t remember the name of the company, but there is a European firm that has a browser toolbar installed, which modifies the search engine pages before they are served to the users desktop. Basically, the results are modified to include their clients listings on the top (#1 and 2 positions). So if that’s the same company that is promissing rankings on Google and the other engines, it is true; however, it will only be on the desktops who have their toolbar installed.

  8. Jeremy


    Are you saying this isnt possible? My own company recently got blown out of serps by sites PIRATING my software. In fact on Google right now if you do a search for my company or website you get warez and scrap results of my site. My site is actually #13 right now for my own original trademark company name. I have consulted with many seo professionals and none seem to have a answer other then… “its google” Please email me if you could lend any insight.

    Back to the post at hand though…

    Google SE traffic is worth so much cash and.. well… if you look at the google results for some very high keyphrases you see how easy they are to manipulate.

    This is the reason why these spam emails exist. Becuase it is possible.

    P.S. What are you doing posting at 9am =P

  9. Aaron Pratt

    I a trying my hardest to “market” a website for “dog gift baskets” for a neighbor, she gets these lame emails and says “should we just try one of these people who claim they can get us there before xmas”? How do you tell someone who has been waiting sinse 9/4/2004 to sell her gift baskets via google search that they might have to wait another year? People do not know how to wait their turn.

  10. Daniel

    What is “krankenversicherung”?

  11. VJ

    Don’t wait for Google. The smaller engines will yield results much quicker. As her site gains credibility with the engines, and get’s more links then you’ll see it show up on Google as well. What you are trying to do is run a marathon without having prepared by running a single lap around the track.

  12. JP

    I’m familiar with viagra and britney spears – but what does “krankenversicherung” mean?

  13. nuevojefe

    I am on crack and I still don’t believe these emails.

  14. Hi
    I don’t blame people for falling for it,
    because they saw so many doowaypages under the top ten in google,

    it is reality that if you are using doorwaypages google gives them a good place under the top ten, since one or more year.
    customers aren’t patiently.

    they would like to have results …yesterday and not tomorrow.

    I know why I am aprofessional webdesigner and not a professional seo πŸ˜‰

    kindly regards

  15. I love it when companies try to tell you that they can guarantee you top positions in the search engines… Unless they really do have a credible history for quality SEO work it’s very rare these days…

  16. David


    Join YPN, sign up for that chap’s serv ice and go for the class action lawsuit keywords.

  17. Matt, I am really amazed that you used the german keyword “krankenversicherung”. We have a little discussion here in germany whether this keyword was used as a synonym for a high paying keyword or it is meant as a synoym for german spam. i believe it is the latter, could you confirm that?

  18. Matt

    Gerald, I thought that would be a funny in-joke between me and the German SEOs out there. πŸ™‚ After all, we all need health insurance, right?

  19. Not a big fan of crack but let’s play devil’s advocate.

    What if there was a Black Hat firm that knew of a flaw in Google’s algorithms that COULD rank a keyword to #1 within 72 hours?

    I’ve heard things…

  20. Dude, you are so old-school. πŸ˜€

    BRITNEY SPEARS? Are you still using the zeitgeist from 2 years ago? πŸ™‚

    Then again, if people *are* still really searching on her, then it somewhat shakes my faith in humanity. I mean, come on, Anna Kournikova is 42x hotter *and* smarter… come to think of it, forget Google listings. How do I send Enrique off to Bora Bora and get my name #1 on Anna’s list? Any LEOs (Love Engine Optimizers) out there…?

  21. >>>One just needs to be new to the net, with a Yahoo! store or, a Monster Commerce atrocity, and not have any money to spend to get traffic to your site.

  22. >One just needs to be new to the net, with a Yahoo! store or, a Monster Commerce atrocity, and not have any money to spend to get traffic to your site.

    Hey, VJ, C’mon now. Don’t be hating on Yahoo Stores! or Monster Commerce. I develop on both platforms and for technically challenged retailers or marketers (like me) it’s great to have an online store where you don’t have to be a Google Engineer to figure out how to upload a product page.

    ( I realize most people here can code a shopping cart in their sleep, or configure an OSCommerce site on their Treo while biking to work but not all of us are as smart as y’all!) — Rob

    PS Whoops. Sorry! Remind me not to put greater than signs in a comment again! See! I am technically-challenged! – r

  23. german

    Don’t you believe it? There are a lot of people making business out of it!

    Last week I created a page about it on my site which has absolutely nothing to do with SEO (just wanted to react to the all in one spam I receive).

    It still happened to rank somewhere (for someone lookin for the german version of “keyword index page” (and other hidden referrer) and I am getting 10’s of these mails a day from some SEO getting crossed I took their place in the SERP (yesterday I got a visit from a french IP too on this page).

    I don’t care about the ranking of this page. It is however fun that they notice this page and send me mails “I can’t find your site on G00gle”.

  24. Matt,

    How come you mention a highly competitive German market, but not one of the best paying ones? πŸ˜‰ But hey, I’m also not gonna reveal it this time …


  25. While I do some SEO for a living (I mostly do php), I found it rather amuzing the other day when an SEO firm called me (at work) offering to sell me seo services for 2 of my sites: &

    After pitching me increased traffic that leads to sales, I got him to stop cold when I said “I’m not selling anything, have you even been to my sites?”

    The best part is, I’m already on the top of every search engine for most of my targeted keywords.

    To all the SEO’s out there: Please actually visit and explore a website before you pitch your services.. I honestly don’t think you’ll be able to make me replace wikipedia as #1, and I’m quite content with being #2

  26. This is hilarious! :-)) I bet they also have registered

  27. That mail is so funny! Anyway these people have nothing to do just trying to steal money from us. That is hilarious!

  28. VJ


    Yahoo Stores aren’t too bad, but Monster Commerce is a pain to deal with, as far as SEO work goes. You may want to look into the Mambo CMS, which offers a lot of options, while also being somewhat suited for the HTML challanged. He he.

  29. Here’s the one I received today….. Amazing. Even calling me a customer.

    There was an outfit going under the name of rocketposition and searchclimbers that through client installed software modified the search results, tricked the search results, it actually looked real and worked.

    RedZee has a similar program:

    Dear Customer,

    We can put you at the top of Yahoo! AND Google today.

    Our company has exclusive technology that can put your website(s) above every other company on all the major search engines. Toyota, eBay, WellsFargo and Dell (just to name a few) already use this technology. We are now offering it direct to you. Tired of SEO plans that get you nowhere? Tired of blowing your budget on pay per click only to lose position immediately? We offer guaranteed results and promotional pricing that will beat any other program you have used.

    Contact us immediately at MARITZA_Z@SPEEDY.COM.PE if you are interested in getting unlimited traffic and guaranteed positioning with discounted pricing.
    This promotion will not last long and is on a first come / first serve basis.
    Please include the URL(s) you are interested in promoting. Examples/Demo can be provided.

  30. Thanks, VJ. I’ll take a look at Mambo. Sounds easy which is right up my street! It’s kinda funny. Even though I’m a Yahoo Store guy, I’m friends with lots of the folks at MC (especially all those smart MC Girls!) There’s this MC store that I’m always competing with in the Google SERPs that drives me crazy and they tease me mercilessly about it.

    Back on topic: Matt. I think your examples of search engine spam are great for beginners and old-timers alike.

    It’s also good to know what you’re hunting, because it’s ALWAYS open season on spammers and there’s no bag limit. Hey! It’s me over here in my Day-Glo Orange vest and hat. Don’t shoot, don’t shoot! — Rob

  31. german


    I like your joke about “krankenversicherung”.
    We are not in America. We have in europa a good health system and a private health insurance is not really what the people are looking in the internet.
    What about ” Diüat “

  32. german

    Sorry matt,

    I meant


  33. Haha very funny

  34. Yeah its amazing that people actually try this stuff. Its like buying a lottery ticket, they know they wont win but buy it anyways.

    All of these ‘install our toolbar’, our HUGE network, all these things are crap. I just got off the phone with redzee (no link on purpose) becuase they contacted on of my cleints about their ‘new’ ppc/seo program. I cant believe that Google just bans them and dont try to shut these guys down. Arent they violating everyones TOS? They openly alter Google results and use the Google name to the unsuspecting person. Ahh this makes me mad.