Funny spam email, June 2009

I enjoy posting some of the funny emails that I get. This one made me laugh:

You don’t need to %SI3_rnd10 rod’s %SI3_rnd11 and %SI3_rnd12 %SI3_rnd13’ jokes!
This is a %SI3_rnd14 for %SI3_rnd15 your %SI3_rnd16! It will %SI3_rnd17 in seconds after she %SI3_rnd18 and %SI3_rnd19 as good as if it was a %SI3_rnd20 rod!
No more jokes – you will always get %SI3_rnd21 and moans! The huge pack costs less than 30 %SI3_rnd22!
%SI3_rnd23 can be a %SI3_rnd24! No one will know about your %SI3_rnd25!
%SI3_rnd26 now and save more than $10 regardless of your order’s size!

I think it’s spam about embiggening a specific body part. But the spammer clearly didn’t set up their spam template correctly. 🙂 Anyone have guesses about which email spamming software package this is?

48 Responses to Funny spam email, June 2009 (Leave a comment)

  1. %S13_rnd27! Obviously!

  2. Yes, %SI3_rnd10 not rod’s %SI3_rnd11 a %SI3_rnd12 very %SI3_rnd13 good %SI3_rnd25 one.

  3. That looks like a mail merge function gone wrong.

  4. lol…been waiting my whole life to see someone use the word “embiggening”

  5. George, I throw it out there every few months. It’s a perfectly cromulent word. 🙂

  6. I am happy to say that I don’t know of any (or this) spamming email software… but my vocabulary is now “larger” and “legitimate”.

  7. Lucky that your email wasn’t stored at %SI3_rndN variable 😀

  8. “Embiggening”? Wow, who knew?

  9. Oh, the party games in the Google web spam department thingy! Guess the spam package! Find the hidden links! Etc. etc. 🙂

  10. I do love these. What I particularly like is when one arrives from an IM list you’ve accidentally ended up on somehow.

    Hi [[FIRSTNAME]]!! Don’t miss out on our great new product. [[PRODUCT]] is…

    Merge fail! 🙂

  11. Got the same one. Perhaps the next step is that they’ll send us a dictionary to instantiate this template? Maybe it’s all happening in the name of some software design principle …

  12. Matt, this is no laughing matter. In high school someone found out about my %SI3_rnd25 and I couldn’t get a date until college

  13. Spotted here too. I think it had been a BIG spam run.. but it just confirms that spammers are stupid.

  14. I think I manage to decipher the message:

    You don’t need to [download] rod’s [albums] and [DVDs] [looking like tasteless]’ jokes!

    This is a [cheaper way] for [getting] your [albums]! It will [download] in seconds after she [receive your CC’s details] and [verified it] as good as if it was a [anonymous fan of] rod!

    No more jokes – you will always get [your tasteless music] and moans! The huge pack costs less than 30 [dollar]!

    [Your collection] can be a [secret]! No one will know about your [bad taste]!

    [Order] now and save more than $10 regardless of your order’s size!

  15. Is it something to do with fishing lure for comedians?

  16. I’ve seen a few mis merged spam types appear recently too. No idea about the software.

    But, I’d hazard a guess and say they were hankering on about improving the functions of the male anatomy!

  17. Heh, cromulent.

  18. Looks like an open source? 🙂

  19. Any meds that are so potent that they make you talk in ASCII are definitely worth taking :.)

  20. I’d reply back with:-

    Dear %SI3_rnd10,

    Thank you for your concern about my %SI3_rnd12. Thankfully, these concerns are unfounded as my %SI3_rnd12 is as %SI3_rnd15 as a %SI3_rnd16!

    Why, just last %SI3_rnd17 I managed to grab myself a right nice pair of %SI3_rnd17. With %SI3_rnd19 like %SI3_rnd20! Anyway, I took them back to my %SI3_rnd40 for a %SI3_rnd30 of %SI3_rnd80. It was %SI3_rnd69. They %SI3_rnd40 for %SI3_rnd98 all %SI3_rnd20 long, thanks to my %SI3_rnd40 %SI3_rnd16

    As a fellow %SI3_rnd56. You know what I’m talking about, wouldn’t you?

  21. Oh Matt – you had me at “cromulent!”

    We miss you, oh Cromulac…

  22. What happened to %SI3_rnd01 – %SI3_rnd09?

  23. I didn’t even realize there WERE spam software packages.. wow, how naive am I?? o_o

  24. Wow, doing a google search for %SI3_rnd11 shows just how quickly all the scraper sites pick up Matt’s blog

  25. So, did the product work?

  26. This could be the famous web 3.0 : LSE Latent semantic Email 😛

  27. try to filter this spam email I got this morning that looks like ‘VC’ contact:


    I would like to apply through this medium for your co-operation and to secure an opportunity to invest and do joint business with you in your country.
    I have a substantial capital I honorably intend to invest in your country into a very lucrative business venture of which you are to advise and execute the said venture over there for the mutual benefits of both of us.
    Your able co-operation is to become my business partner in your country and create ideas on how money will be invested and properly managed and the type of investment after the money is transferred to your custody with your assistance.
    Meanwhile, on indication of your willingness to handle this transaction sincerely by protecting our interests and upon your acceptance of this proposal, I would furnish you with the full detailed information, procedure, amount involve and mutually agree on your percentage for helping me to secure the release and transfer of the fund and investing the money.
    I shall be glad to reserve this respect and opportunity for you, if you so desire, but do urge you to give the matter your immediate attention it deserves.
    Looking forward to your prompt response.
    Best Regards,
    David Buchi

  28. Hey! Spam mad-libs!

    Verb: catch
    Noun: telescope
    Proper noun: Mother Teresa
    Noun: waterfall
    Present participle: sighing
    Noun: refrigerator
    Verb: start
    Third-person verb: runs
    Verb: sing
    Adjective: cuddly
    Plural noun: televisions
    Plural noun: stick-insects
    Plural noun: DVDs
    Noun: billboard
    Plural noun: poker chip
    Verb: climb

    Now it reads:

    You don’t need to catch rod’s telescope and Mother Teresa’s jokes!
    This is a waterfall for sighing your refrigerator! It will start in seconds after she runs and sing as good as if it was a cuddly rod!
    No more jokes – you will always get televisions and moans! The huge pack costs less than 30 stick-insects!
    DVDs can be a billboard! No one will know about your poker chips!
    Climb now and save more than $10 regardless of your order’s size!

  29. That’s a riot. I get those emails all the time!

  30. This looks like DUI Charge Person who is trying to get to next level of lexicon/ Thesaurus by coining a new a word, it is quite a laugh

  31. Your blog needs a “spam” tag for posts!

  32. Now that everyone is familiar with Cromulent I think its about time we add it to wikipedia as a reference under Matt Cutts Spam.

  33. @Todd its the meds that make you talk in ASN.1 you have to watch outfor

  34. Hey Matt,

    This was a fun read. I read the lame spam emails I get from time-to-time and some really do make me laugh.


  35. Matt,

    I do not understand one thing. How come spammers get your email address?

    I do not see your email address being mentioned anywhere in your blog or anywhere else.

  36. @angilina: there are numerous possibilities, including online subscription services which sell their email lists for extra profit, badly protected email databases that get hacked, etc. Only the least skilled spammers use email addresses simply harvested from the web.

    If you actually use an email address, chances are that it will eventually end up in some spam databases.

  37. Matt,

    I was very interested your comments about Cattaraugus Ave. in Los Angeles. I am from the village of Cattaraugus, and was amazed when I first discovered that there was a street with that name in LA. I contacted the LA County Historical Society and the LA Public Library to see if anyone could tell me how that came to be the name of a street in LA. So far I’ve had no luck, but there must be a good story there about someone coming from Western New York to LA a hundred years ago.


  38. Matt you should give yourself a penalty for low quality content. New entry to Quality Guidelines: Avoid creating content about spam because it’s as good as spam and depressing and Frank Malina doesn’t want to read about it.

  39. Seriously give yourself a -30. This blog sometimes sucks more than UK’s car insurance search results.

  40. matt, no need to post this comment, but a big FYI:

    i clicked on the following link in your post, and was alerted by Avast! Antivirus that the page i was attempting to connect to was infected with a trojan horse. i aborted the connection.

    hopefully this is a false positive, but thought you should know.

  41. Hi Matt,

    Currently Gmail’s anti-spam program is working so efficiently that I am not winning lottery entries and getting business offers from Nigeria any more, screw you guys, I lost millions because of your technology.

    Although I am still getting emails from all the kind websites which want me to join them and extend my social network, I am so not annoyed by them.

  42. ha ha ha, thats really funny email. i too get many spam mails like i have won millions n billions. just need to give my bank account number and more details to transfer the money to my account.
    i like to hear my frds getting excited by such emails, lol

  43. As humorous as these SPAM emails are to us in the know, I deal with clients all the time that simply don’t know they have received SPAM… often times malicious. Aside from the obvious downside of people getting “taken” by these emails, there is another effect that have that really p_sses me off. It makes our entire industry look a little shady. The same with the Black Hat SEOs out there. It means I have to work extra hard to build up a high level of trust. Many of my clients have had bad experiences with this stuff, and often times it seems as if I have to make up for these SPAM and Black Hat a-holes… and another thing! 😉

  44. Email Spam is bad, but even worse is owning a blog. I am constantly deleting spam comments everyday from people saying “hey really good information, thanks for posting it” Come on, this brings no value to anyones blog, or the web in general. Build quality content people and the big G will reward you!

  45. That’s as bad as one dumb spam email I got that was several screens long, and at the bottom it said “please print this out to read later if you don’t want to read it now.” Yeah, that was at the END of the message, after someone had read it.

  46. Hi there,

    We’ve created a website dedicated to the art of funny spam. Please come check us out at!


  47. “The huge pack costs less than 30”

    “huge” must me some new unit of measurement used by pharmacists. Milligrams and correct doses were too confusing. Just get a HUGE pack.

  48. Haha! I get these kind of comments everyday…If you spam you should at least learn how to do it 🙂