It’s best to focus on your own thing within the confines of Corporate North America (let’s not forget Canada, eh?) and then have all your ducks in a row before quitting on your own terms. That way, you don’t have employment gaps or money issues.

Two of the greatest days of my life were the days I quit my last two jobs.

In the one case, I didn’t tell the owner of the store I had quit (I didn’t have to give two weeks’ notice because he took me off the books and tried paying me cash under the table to “keep me quiet” on stuff, which I never did.) I also picked a weekend when no other employees were going to physically be able to come in since they were at an autoshow, and the owner had to open the store himself. Since he couldn’t work the register and wasn’t smart enough to have anyone around him that did, it cost him over $10,000 that weekend.

In the other case, I gave my two weeks’ notice and then spent the last two weeks creating tension among the other employees by revealing who hated who and who said what about who, then watching the infighting. There’s nothing quite as funny as watching two corporate whore office women go at it because each one heard the other had some negative things to say.

Then I took the fat lazy employee who kept screwing everyone by doing all the easy stuff and called him out publicly on it. He ended up taking short-term disability because I yelled at him so badly that apparently it gave him a heart condition (to this day, I STILL haven’t figured out how calling someone lazy and self-centered in a loud voice can lead to heart conditions…anyone got proof on this?)

And on the last day, I worked the whole day with my middle finger in the air. Literally. Just sat in my chair, typing with my left hand while my right hand served as the corporate flagpole (put it down every so often when it hurt to keep it up, though.) That is the coolest thing to do…just sitting there, knowing that even if they fired you it would have no effect.

Or when they ask you to clean your desk out. I took the drawers out one by one and just shook them over the recycle bin. Wasn’t anything of use to me in all that paper.

And then there’s the feeling of walking out the door, knowing those losers will never have control over you again. That feeling is just too sweet for words. Everyone should be able to do that at least once in their lifetimes.